"my dear brothers, take note of this: everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires."

james 1:19-20

"submit to one another out of reverence for Christ."

ephesians 5:21

work in me, Lord.

Holy Spirit, bring me Your peace.

i am thankful.

i have a wonderful family,

such sweet friends,

and an amazing boy.

last night was more than i could've ever asked for.

i am anxious.

tonight is opening night for my photo exhibit.

my parents will be there.

my friends will be there.

strangers will be there.

i just hope everything goes well.

i hope people enjoy themselves.

i hope i'm not this anxious all day long.

the people of gainesville are beautiful.

there's something about the people here.

the one's who have spent their lives in this small town.

growing as a community.

loving all. 

even those of us who come and go every 4 years or so.

i am very thankful for this place and its people.

especially the wards community : )

from the imitation of christ.

[God wants you to learn to endure troubles without comfort, to submit yourself totally to him, and to become more humble through adversity.]

[And the more we progress in the spiritual life, the heavier our crosses will be, for the pain of our separation from God increases in proportion to our love of God.]

[And the more a person's body is weakened by affliction, the more his spirit is strengthened by inner grace.]

[To endure the kingdom of God, we must endure many hardships.]

help me to see my faults.

encourage me to grow in virtue.

let my sinfulness always displease me.

help me to willingly embrace every hardship and bitterness.

[Neither does a person show enough courage, who caves in to despair at the time of adversity, thinking thoughts and harboring feelings that show less trust in me than he should.]

help me.

help me to hold this loosely.

so loosely.

to love You.

not myself.

to seek Your guidance.

to seek Your light.

to feel the Spirit.

to listen to the Spirit.

draw me close to You, Father.

psalm 143.

o Lord, hear my prayer,
listen to my cry for mercy;
in Your faithfulness and righteousness
come to my relief.
do not bring Your servant into judgement,
for no one living is righteous before You.

the enemy pursues me,
he crushes me to the ground;
he makes me dwell in darkness
like those long dead.
so my spirit grows faint within me;
my heart within me is dismayed.

i remember the days of long ago;
i meditate on all Your works
and consider what Your hands have done.
i spread out my hands to You;
my soul thirsts for You like a parched land.

selah.

answer me quickly, o Lord;

my spirit fails.

do not hide Your face from me

or i will be like those who go down to the pit.

let the morning bring me word of Your unfailing love,

for i have put my trust in You.

show me the way i should go,

for to You i lift up my soul.

rescue me from my enemies,

o Lord,

for i hide myself in You.

teach me to do Your will,

for You are my God;

may your good Spirit

lead me on level ground.

for Your name's sake, o Lord, preserve my life;

in Your righteousness, bring me out of trouble.

in Your unfailing love, silence my enemies;

destroy all my foes,

for i am Your servant.

hotel cafe musicians.

a little reminding is nice sometimes:

"The sinner is accepted before he pleads for mercy.

It is already granted.

He need only receive it.

Total amnesty.

Gratuitous pardon."

-Brennan Manning
the ragamuffin gospel: visual edition

i enjoy awkwardness.

a morning prayer.

Lord, i've been feeling really helpless lately.
i feel alone.
i feel frustrated. restless. tired.

i know that You are here with me.
i know that You will never leave nor forsake me.

and i believe that You are using this time in my life to teach me something.
because You are good.

i believe that You are trying to show me something.
because You are good.

i don't want to strive to figure out what Your purposes are.
i just want to trust that Your will is being worked out through me.
because You are good.

i want to be one with You.

i desire to be filled with the Spirit.
pouring out of me the light and love that i do not have on my own.

help me to take deep breaths.
help me to trust You.

You are good.
and for that, i am thankful.

cath...

cath, she stands
with a well intentioned man
but she can't relax
with his hand on the small of her back
and as the flash bulbs burst
she holds a smile
like someone would hold
a crying child

and soon everybody will ask
what became of you
'cause your heart was dying fast
and you didn't know what to do

cath, it seems
that you live in someone else's dream
[that you live in a dying dream]
in a hand-me-down wedding dress
with the things that could've been are repressed
[on the arm of a man you detest]

but you said your vows
and you closed the door
on so many men
who would have loved you more

and soon everybody will ask
what became of you
'cause your heart was dying fast
and you didn't know what to do

the whispers that it won't last
run up and down the pews
but if their hearts were dying that fast
they'd have done the same as you

and I'd have done the same as you

-death cab for cutie.

i'm anxious.

i don't want to be.
but, that rarely changes the fact that i am.

i want to get away.
from everyone.

i want to be done with this part of my life.
i want change.

i'm not content.

i'm prideful.
and angry.
and jealous.
and sad.
and lonely.
and weak.
i am tired, Lord.

i need Your grace.
and Your help.

["...for i seek not to please myself but him who sent me." - John 5:30]

Lord, i have no clue what Your will is, but i pray that it would be done.
lead me. and help me to desire only You.
grant me peace, Lord.

i assume that Heschel's prayer from my last post comes somewhat from this poem.

'As Kingfishers Catch Fire'
by Gerard Manley Hopkins

AS kingfishers catch fire, dragonflies dráw fláme;
As tumbled over rim in roundy wells
Stones ring; like each tucked string tells, each hung bell’s
Bow swung finds tongue to fling out broad its name;
Each mortal thing does one thing and the same:	5
Deals out that being indoors each one dwells;
Selves—goes itself; myself it speaks and spells,
Crying Whát I do is me: for that I came.
Í say móre: the just man justices;
Kéeps gráce: thát keeps all his goings graces;	10
Acts in God’s eye what in God’s eye he is—
Chríst—for Christ plays in ten thousand places,
Lovely in limbs, and lovely in eyes not his
To the Father through the features of men’s faces

lately, i have been trying to gather my thoughts for an artist statement.
in the fall, my roommate and i will have an exhibit up in a local coffee shop.
the two of us traveled around europe a bit this summer and have some photographs we'd like to share.

i haven't really sat down and tried to write an artist statement,
because i don't think i can. at least not yet.
so, whenever i come across words or statements that speak to me, i write them down.

over the weeks, i've tried to collect my random thoughts and various pieces of text,
in hopes of putting together some kind of statement.

sometimes i find it rather silly that i have to write an artist statement.
i don't really know how to explain myself or my photography.
i don't know how to put in words what draws me to a particular moment
that makes me want to capture it.

but, no matter how difficult words and reason may seem to me,
i have been told that i must have this artist statement.

thankfully, i came across a prayer today when i was reading some more of the ragamuffin gospel.
somewhere in the middle of the book, manning shares a prayer of rabbi abraham joshua heschel.
and it's a prayer that, i feel, does a really wonderful job of putting into words what i feel.

"dear Lord, grant me the grace of wonder. surprise me, amaze me, awe me in every crevice of your universe. delight me to see how your Christ plays in ten thousand places, lovely in limbs, and lovely in eyes not His, to the Father through the features of men's faces. each day enrapture me with Your marvelous things without number. i do not ask to see the reason for it all; i ask only to share the wonder of it all."