pockets of hope.

today was a little bit harder than usual.
i'm anxious. i'm overwhelmed.

i can't seem to focus on the present.
and when i am, my thoughts are consumed with other places.
anywhere, but here and now.

i can't seem to catch a breath.

where is my heart?
where is my mind?

a friend reminded me of something today:
what consumes our mind and controls are heart is our god.

i'm thinking i should write that on my hand forever,
because i can go days, if not weeks, in this place and never once will that cross my mind.

i know i am here for a reason.
i know God is teaching me.
and changing me.
and breaking me.

but, i can't seem but think that this college lifestyle is only pulling me away from what my life should be centered on.
it definitely makes it harder.

to be told or pressured on a daily basis that your life should be concerned with grades, internships, careers and future plans has always been overwhelmingly discouraging.

Father, i know You're here.
i just need You more than ever.
i need You to draw me close.
i need You to protect me from the lies and confusion in this world.
and i need You to give me the desire to know and love You,
because it is more than obvious that i am weak and blinded without You.

thank You.

Thy will be done on earth, as it is in Heaven.

amen.